How to deal with jealousy or any uncomfortable emotion in 7 steps
You're about to learn how to deal with jealousy in a deep, kind and profound way.
It’s pretty safe to say that everyone experiences jealousy at sometime in their lives. In fact, most of us have experienced it often and deeply. If you're feeling it now, take heart. Help is here!
In the pages of this series you'll discover how to:
Tune into an already existing, deep love and compassion for yourself that you may not have known was already here
Become consciously aware of coping habits which no longer serve you and begin to let them go
Accept and be with yourself in a kind and compassionate way, even when jealousy arises
Experience much more space, love and consciousness around jealousy, (as well as ANY troubling emotion)
Accept the energy of jealousy within yourself, declining to judge it or yourself
Let jealousy unwind on its own
“Use” jealousy to help you awaken to the truth and peace of Being you actually already ARE
Experience more inner space and peace in regards to the other people involved in your situation, and let the negativity toward them unwind
Why does jealousy arise?
To learn how to deal with jealousy, it is helpful to first understand that jealousy is a by-product of identifying with a painful image, belief or self-concept of ourselves, which can range from feeling inadequate all the way up to chronic, extremely painful self-condemnation.
These debilitating self-concepts and beliefs can lie buried within the unconsciousness and then suddenly get triggered, causing us to react negatively, surprising both ourselves and those around us.
When this happens, it can really seem like the pain of jealousy, as well as other unhappy feelings, is caused BY the event.
The trigger could be discovering your partner is attracted to someone else. Or perhaps you get passed over for a promotion at work and the job you really wanted was given to someone you already feel inferior to.
These are just two of an infinite number of possible triggers, and we all know how crushing these experiences can feel.
Suddenly you feel small, diminished, “not good enough,” or less than someone else in some way.
Then the usual tendency is to look at the situation which seemed to cause our jealousy and try to change the outer situation and / or the people involved. However, the event is actually only triggering the uncovering of painful feelings of inadequacy which were ALREADY within us.
Unloved, unhealed, and often unconscious energies within us draw to us experiences that reflect the uncomfortable ways we already feel about ourselves.
Also, when we carry unresolved inner pain, we tend to view most, if not all, our experiences through a lens of “I’m not good enough” causing us to FEEL that way even in benign situations.
As painful as these jealousy experiences are…
Jealousy is a doorway of opportunity which suddenly opens and allows us to become conscious of and release buried pain which was already within us.
About this process
When we learn how to deal with jealousy in a loving way with ourselves (as you’re about to learn in this series), portals within our being open up into a more profound experience of the reality of ourselves as Beingness, pure Awareness, the source of all healing.
The more you practice the steps below to help yourself deal with jealousy effectively and lovingly, the easier the process becomes.
Also, the more we do it, the more we WANT to do it, because it feels so much better than our old behaviors. And us humans tend to repeat what feels good. :-)
You can do this process with ANY troubling experience and the emotions they trigger, but for our purposes here, we’ll stay with bringing love and healing to the feelings of jealousy, and the related feelings of inferiority, self-diminishment, self-judgement, and etc., and letting them unwind.
At first, I highly recommend you take time alone to do these steps
In my experience, as you first begin learning these practices, they are much easier to do when you are alone rather than when you’re with whoever else is involved in the jealousy situation with you.
Do a “time out” and go to a quiet, neutral place where you can truly be with and tend to yourself lovingly.
Later you’ll be able to do a workable version of these steps no matter who is with you or what is going on around you, even if you are highly triggered emotionally.
However, that is an unreasonably high expectation to place on yourself initially.
When deep inner pain such as jealousy is triggered when you’re with someone else, often it can feel extremely overwhelming emotionally.
As you’re beginning to learn the processes shared here, it would be very rare to initially be able to lovingly observe (in the ways you’re about to learn) your inner pain, which can feel like an emotional tsunami, while you’re still physically in the presence of your partner and continuing to be triggered.
Instead, I recommend taking some time and space to yourself and then just think of your partner and / or the situation which is troubling for you.
You can even play with imagining the people involved are physically with you, which will evoke the buried jealousy pain, but will feel like a much safer, more loving space to let what is really going on inside of you to come up, than if the people who are triggering the jealousy are actually physically present.
See this process as “play” and go slowly
Although the jealousy pain within can feel quite intense, I recommend bringing a spirit of “play” to each of the steps in this series – a kind of open, willing, curious, experimentation viewpoint, such as:
“Hmmmm… I wonder what will happen if I do this?”
Find within yourself a desire to try something new and different. Kind of like a child on their first trip to Disneyland. :-)
Then go through the steps in order, slowly. In fact, if you really want to learn how to deal with jealousy, I highly recommend stretching this process out over several days, taking the time to do each step deeply rather than rushing through it.
You’ll get much more out of these steps if you do. Perhaps do one step a day or even repeat each step over a few days. Each time you practice each step you’ll find it can take you more deeply into healing.
Jealousy can take many forms and be triggered in a variety of circumstances
No matter what form jealousy is taking within you or circumstances it is appearing in within your life, these steps will still show you how to deal with jealousy in a deeply loving and powerful way.
And remember, you can apply these to ANY emotional / mental upset you may be experiencing.
To demonstrate the steps for you to experience how to deal with jealousy, we’ll be working with the example given above: your partner is attracted to someone else. S/he talks about this other person a lot. Whenever s/he mentions their name, you notice it stirs up a feeling ranging from either mildly unpleasant to extremely uncomfortable within you.
I recommend doing these steps in the order given, as each step builds on the previous ones.
How to deal with jealousy or any uncomfortable emotion in 7 steps
Step 1: Choose to shift attention to YOU. Discover and tune into the healing love you ALREADY have for yourself
Healing comes from the power of attention, which is love. As we begin this first step in learning how to deal with jealousy together, you’ll start to discover and tune into the love you ALREADY have for yourself, even if you aren't fully aware that it's there.
Step 2: Become more aware of your ineffective coping habits and avoidance strategies which cause you more suffering
We all develop unconscious strategies to try to avoid feeling pain. However, these strategies often become self-defeating addictions and compound our suffering. Before we can let them go, we first must consciously see them.
Step 3: How to let go of ineffective coping strategies which conceal your innate healing power
Here you’ll discover how to let go of the habits you uncovered in the last step, which no longer serve you. You'll learn how you can begin to decline to follow them, moment by moment. As you do this, they eventually lose momentum and release by themselves.
Acceptance is a key component of true healing. In this step in learning how to deal with jealousy you’ll experience saying "yes" to what IS, which is an essential step for healing to occur. This does take practice but is easier than you might think at first.
Step 5: Bring love to the root energy of jealousy or any uncomfortable emotion in your body – your hurt, precious, sweet, inner child
In this step, together we’ll bring love to the places of pain within you. You'll become more conscious of the underlying energies that create painful reoccurring events in your life. This is necessary in order to bring your caring attention to what is most calling for it within you.
Step 6: Experience yourself as Being, the only source of true love and healing
NOW is the time to know yourself as Being, the reality of who you ARE. It's time to notice your Self, your own Presence. This is actually what you've always been searching for – your SELF!
Step 7: Tune into unconditional love for all the people involved in your experience of jealousy or any uncomfortable emotion
When we hold anyone out of our heart, we ourselves suffer. We're not able to access our own healing energies. In this step in learning how to deal with jealousy, together we'll shift your attention to the vast unconditional love which is already and always here within you.
Conclusion: More support for you as you deepen in learning how to deal with jealousy or any uncomfortable emotion
Here you'll learn key points to keep in mind as you’re learning how to deal with jealousy, and where to go for additional support.
And NOW... let's dive in! I'll see you in Step 1... Choose to shift attention to YOU. Discover and tune into the healing love you ALREADY have for yourself
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