Everyone Is Doing The Best They Can


Recently, a friend replied “Everyone is doing the best they can,” after I shared a painful memory from my past where I felt mistreated by someone.

I had heard that statement before, and even said it myself a few times. However, until that moment, I had only an intellectual understanding of it. This time I deeply experienced it.

Streams of light and realization flooded through me. The words “Everyone is doing the best they can” unlocked and opened window after window of understanding within, and I sensed there was even more for me to see.

Later when I was alone, I contemplated that statement deeply and felt the shining truth of it. Everyone really IS doing the best they can, and we’re all doing that all the time!

I looked at my own life and winced at some of the regretful things I’ve done and wished I could go back and redo the situations. Then I stood in the shoes of that younger me and saw that at the time, given my history, wounds, and lack of understanding, I was actually doing the best I could, given the circumstances.

Doing The Best They Can

Then I saw that this is true for everyone. We are all living together in the physical / mental / emotional realm which we call our lives. Usually, as we look out of our eyes and minds, we only see one small part of an immense span of cause and effect energies that have been at play over many many lifetimes. 

When we aren’t aware of who we really are – the Light of Pure Consciousness – we all behave in negative ways, towards others and ourselves. When we feel the pain of a challenging situation and then we (understandably) emit a negative response to it, we set in motion yet another cycle of negativity, for ourselves and those around us. 

This cause and affect cycle continues through many lifetimes until we see and experience our deeper reality as ALive Consciousness Awareness.

If we could see the span of all of our lives and the hurts we suffered as well as our consequent negative reactions and the consequent negative cycles that were set in motion because of that, we would be much more forgiving with both ourselves and others.



How Turmoil Serves To Awaken Us

Believe it or not, painful experiences serve us in the deepest way. At first, we humans try numerous avoidance strategies to avoid our emotional / mental pain. And even though some may work for awhile, they inevitably don’t. 

Next, we try to face our pain through various techniques via our minds. 

All of these may help us feel relief for awhile but they don’t shift the underlying cause of our pain.

Eventually, after we’ve exhausted all our solutions and our emotional / mental pain is still there, we naturally begin to look somewhere other than the physical-mental-emotional plane of cause and effect. Our attention shifts within and we notice there is a Shining Light which we are. And this Shining Light is conscious. We become conscious of Consciousness, as Eckhart Tolle has so beautifully expressed it.

Gradually (but for some it is suddenly) we wake up to the reality of who we are: Stillness. Pure Consciousness. Awareness. The Aliveness we are right Now in this moment. This can only be experienced in this moment right Now, not in our thoughts.

As we wake up, we gradually, step by step, see through different “eyes.” We experience our lives through the eyes of Consciousness, rather than our minds. Consequently, we participate less and less in the negative aspects of the cause and effect dance.

Aliveness, Consciousness is the Light that every experience of our lives appears in. It is not changed by our physical, mental, emotional experiences. It remains pure. This is where we can experience ourselves in the Now as a shining emanation from God (or whatever word you know our Creator by).

By shifting attention to the shining Light of Consciousness, we experience the only place of peace and true healing on all levels of our being. This shifts our entire vibration on the physical-mental-emotional levels and gradually our inner knots untangle by themselves. At this point, we can begin to experience a happiness that has no opposite. It is beyond the inevitable happy / sad polarity of the physical plane.

Our Parents Literally Did The Best They Could In Their Parenting

As the realizations kept coming, I thought about my father and the pain I experienced with him growing up. I saw and experienced that he truly was doing the best he could at the time, given his childhood and the abuse he experienced with HIS father. 

My father simply was not aware of how to heal his painful wounds, and so acted them out on his children. Because of the debilitating cause and effect scenarios he experienced in his past, and because he was unaware of the fact that he was the Light of Consciousness, he literally had no choice but to act out the unresolved energies in exactly the way he did.

Then I looked at others in my life and saw the same thing. Until we fully wake up to the reality of the shining, loving Light which we already are, we are driven by all the unresolved cause and effect experiences of our past in this lifetime, as well as previous lifetimes.



Realizing That Everyone Is Doing The Best They Can Is A Key Realization Toward Forgiving Others And Ourselves

This realization deepened and broadened my experience of the other forgiveness techniques I had learned, practiced and shared with others in my lifetime.

The other tools were ways to manage my negative feelings toward others and some of them did help for awhile. I realized, however, that I still held an underlying belief / judgment that people were wrong or bad for treating me and others poorly, and I was bad for all of my unconscious acts.

Because of those beliefs, the tools I had used were like trying to build a beautiful new home on an ancient rotting foundation.

funny man with hat

When I saw that everyone on the planet is truly doing the best they can, given their upbringing in this lifetime, past lives, current experiences and state of consciousness, forgiveness was automatic, instantaneous and effortless. 

Along with that was the realization that things couldn’t have played out any differently than they did, both in my life and in the lives of everyone.

Whew! What a relief! I felt like a huge burden was lifted from my heart.

I continue to use this in my daily life and I can’t say enough about how life-changing this is.

Sometimes the old habit comes in and I feel negatively triggered by someone and I watch myself start to polarize against them. It’s like a dark cloud starts to form between us. Then I realize that they, just like myself, are doing the very best they can in that moment, given their past wounds in this lifetime and previous ones. And the way I’m being treated is not personal at all. They are doing the best they can.

And when my reaction comes in, I realize I am doing the best I can in that moment also. The negativity we all feel is because events from the past are still at play energetically. But by shifting attention to what is Conscious of the negativity, the negativity unwinds on its own.

Transform Your Relationship With Yourself

Every person I know judges themself in one way or another. Even those who appear extremely self-confident have their self doubts.

If you notice this about yourself, I highly encourage you to look back to the beginning of your current lifetime. How were you treated? Did you feel judged or hurt by others? This can play out in a variety of ways, including physical, psychological, and verbal mistreatment.

Then think of the ways you judge yourself and look for the correlation, the cause and effect relationship between your past experiences in this lifetime and how you sometimes behave now.

beautiful little boy

And this is just for THIS lifetime. All the lives before this one still have their impact on your current life. Given the cause and effect situation, we are driven to behave in ways we wish we could change.

Simply to SEE this, is a step in letting it all unwind. Then to start to see that you are much more than your experiences, you are Alive, Awake Light and Love, then we are no longer feeding energy to our wounds and gradually they unwind on their own and in their own time.

This is an invitation to broaden our perspective and see that we, as well as everyone else, are truly doing the best we can.

And we start just by asking within, “What is it that is Conscious of these negative feelings?” Don’t ask your mind. You’re not looking for an answer in thoughts. Instead, look to see within what it IS that is Conscious.

Then a wonderful consequence of being kind to ourselves in this way helps us to be kind to others.

Transform Your Relationships With Others

Think of someone you feel in conflict with, or misjudged or mistreated by. Imagine you could see into their entire lifetime before the present time and that you could witness their past lives or their childhood, teenage and earlier adult experiences in this lifetime. 

If they are acting out negatively toward you or others, it only comes from the way they were treated somewhere in their past. They just can’t help it.

Being willing to have a different perspective about them than the one you might usually carry automatically evokes understanding, compassion and forgiveness.

Be willing to broaden your vision so that instead of just seeing your present experience with them, be open to a much larger picture of all their lives before and their past in this lifetime. Open your perspective.

What You Can Do When You’re Interacting With Others

It is important to understand that there are layers to this healing. I find at times I still get triggered into reactivity when a set of circumstances evokes my past, either consciously or unconsciously. 

Life gives us plenty of opportunities to practice!

If this happens to you as well, you can do the following, either while the interaction is going on and you become aware you are in reactivity, or you can do it later when you look back on the experience: 

  • If you’re interacting with someone and you notice you are in reaction, first realize this doesn’t make you “bad.” You are simply acting on auto-pilot from your painful past experiences.

  • Shift attention to Now, the present moment. Notice your breathing, but don’t try to change it. Instead, just watch it. Let your body breathe however it naturally wants to in the moment. 

  • After simply watching your breathing for awhile, then as you breathe in, silently within say the word “I” and as you breathe out, silently within say the word “am.” This helps shift attention to the Beingness, Light, Consciousness you are within. Sense and feel this “I” that you are – not your thoughts about yourself, but your actual experience of the energy, the Light and Aliveness you are and can sense by turning attention to it.

    If the other person is talking, you can still listen, but keep the “I am” breathing your primary focus. This helps bring your attention to the present moment, the only place of peace. It also calms the nervous system. It helps you to bring your attention to the “I am” that you are, Pure Consciousness, the Light and Love which is always here. THIS is what we really are.

    Staying with the “I am” breathing can help you stay centered and less apt to get caught up in a polarity with the other person.

  • You can also do the following during your interaction, or it might be easier to do later:
happy couple

Think of the person you feel in conflict with. Look at the whole picture of the person – everything you know about them and their past (if you know that). Consider the fact that if they are acting negatively toward you in any way that they are replaying a past hurt. An old wound within them has been triggered and they may not even be conscious of it.

Even though you may not know the particulars of their life, they certainly had a past. And chances are really good that they went through some rough patches. This entire plane is a dance of polarities, including: feels good / feels bad. No one escapes this.

With this understanding it is easier to see that they couldn’t have behaved any differently than they did. The only thing that would have interrupted their negative behavior is if they have realized themselves as the Light of Consciousness and have learned to live from It.

And if you were also triggered, see this is true for yourself also.

We are all doing the best we can!

Would You Like Personal Help With What You’ve Read On This Page?

I offer WellBeing Alignment Sessions to help you.

While these sessions tend to have an organic flow of their own depending on your needs when we meet, there are two main components to this coaching:

  1. In these sessions your attention will be turned directly toward noticing the Bright, Alive, Loving Light you already are.

  2. You will also be guided to let whatever is arising in you (physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually)  to be here as it is. We become the loving, allowing space for it all to come up in. When we no longer try to "manage" or control our suffering, these energies become free to release on their own.

By doing these two things together, healing occurs naturally, organically, and at its own pace. Consequently, we become more and more free to be the Shining Light we already are!

Find out more about WellBeing Alignment Sessions here.

I look forward to meeting you!

All love and blessings to you,

Kai

“Wow, I am still not able to put into words what you have helped me to experience and to release. I am so beyond grateful for the gift you have given me. The first couple of days after our session, I had the strangest feeling... a feeling of hope, and a kind of general thought that ‘everything will be alright.’ It was like a kind of gentle mist just in the background of my awareness, and it related directly to the golden light that I experienced in my solar plexus during our session – my power.

It felt strange because I haven’t felt or thought that way in the longest time, except I didn’t know I was ‘missing’ it until I had it again! Love and such huge, huge gratitude.”

~ Lara M, Australia

You can read what others experience
with WellBeing Alignment Sessions here.


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