What’s YOUR favorite escape hatch? :-)
A key aspect of learning how to deal with jealousy is to become conscious of the old ineffective habits we’ve developed to try to avoid feeling the intensity and pain of jealousy.
The reason this is important is that our coping mechanisms generally not only postpone bringing attention to methods that actually work, the habits themselves can actually bring MORE suffering.
Since we’re often not fully conscious of our avoidance habits, this step is about becoming AWARE of them, not to judge them but to expose them. Each time we expose a debilitating habit to ourselves, it loses some momentum, especially when you begin to see that the habit isn’t achieving its purpose (to avoid feeling jealousy or other inner pain) anyway!
Also, when hurt aspects of ourselves arise and aren’t met with love and acceptance they can gather more energy each time we avoid consciously being with them. Therefore, our coping mechanisms can increase our emotional turmoil because they postpone our loving attendance to the actual pain.
Eventually, the pain is so great that we wonder how to deal with jealousy in more effective ways. And here you are! And I’m so glad you found your way here. :-)
As you go through the list of coping mechanisms below, you may find you predominantly do one or two or you might do a combination of several of them, as you're learning how to deal with jealousy or other uncomfortable emotions.
Remember, we’re not saying any of these habits are wrong or bad or that you are wrong or bad for doing them while you're learning how to deal with jealousy or other challenging situations.
Our goal with this process is not to judge ourselves.
Instead, out intention in doing this is to become more aware of the unconscious or semi-conscious habits we use to try to avoid feeling strong feelings, such as jealousy.
This process is about lovingly allowing them to come up into the light of conscious Awareness, in service to healing as we learn how to deal with jealousy.
And remember, you’re doing this because you care about yourself, or you wouldn’t be reading these words right now.
“Am I doing this?”
“Is the impulse to do this in challenging situations familiar to me?”
Being either vaguely or fully aware of your feelings of abandonment, diminishment, insecurity, jealousy and etc. but denying they are here.
You might do this with:
Basically, any substance or activity can serve as a distraction from feeling feelings.
For example, you might tell yourself:
Mentally and / or verbally judging the other people involved
Whatever happens in our lives is actually much wider, broader and deeper than our story about it. Every event is a product of an unfathomable chain of previous cause and effect events, and actually none of it is personal!
However, due to our past experiences (often painful ones) we develop a specific lens (a concept about ourselves) through which we view, interpret and therefore experience, all situations.
And, as we're learning how to deal with jealousy, along with this is generally a mental retelling of the story of jealousy (or other painful emotions) through the lens of a painful self-concept. This page will help you uncover your debilitating self-concepts and begin to let them unwind.
The mind loves complication. And we’re used to living most, if not all of our lives, in our head.
However, hanging out predominantly in the mind is itself another coping mechanism, a distraction from actually being with the hurt aspects of ourselves which are calling for our love and attention.
All of these habits actually come from an attempt to love yourself. They form themselves automatically when we don’t know any other way to take care of ourselves.
We ALL unconsciously develop coping strategies as a way to get through times when we were absolutely overwhelmed with intensely uncomfortable energies. They actually form out of a deep love for ourselves that is trying to take care of ourselves in the only way that seems possible at the time.
Also keep in mind that all of these behaviors are common habitual ways of coping which are part of the conditioning of our society. It would actually be quite rare (and maybe impossible) if you DIDN’T have any of these tendencies. None of them are actually personal!
By the end of this series you’ll know how to deal with jealousy and love and be with yourself in a much kinder way when jealousy and other strong emotions arise.
In the following steps you’ll learn ways to lovingly be with the pain your avoidance strategies attempted to shield you from.
As you practice them, jealousy and other emotional pain gradually unwinds on its own. Likewise, your avoidance strategies will also gradually become unnecessary and fall away organically.
It just takes a few seconds. :-)
Thank you! Love and blessings of light, joy, love and healing to you my friend...
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