Letting go is essential for true healing.
In the previous step in learning how to deal with jealousy, we focused on bringing more awareness to what is generally most on top and accessible within our conscious awareness when jealousy arises: our ineffective strategies to AVOID feeling jealousy and other strong emotions.
In this step we’re going deeper. We’re beginning to let go of those ineffective strategies. As you let go of the coping mechanisms which lie on the surface of your consciousness, your innate healing Presence, which lies beneath your mental strategies and coping mechanisms, is revealed.
This frees your inner healing Presence to work freely, without being obstructed. Then true healing can take place.
And we don’t have to figure out how to do this. We just need to let go into the healing power of aware Presence, our true Being.
Awareness, Consciousness, Beingness, Presence, or whatever name we use to describe reality, IS this moment. This present NOW. The very aliveness which is looking out of your eyes right now.
Once again, to invite the energy of jealousy or whatever emotion you are working with to come up into your awareness:
As we did in Step 2, check to see if any familiar (or new) coping mechanisms, habits that serve to distract you from what you are feeling, are arising right now in this moment.
The truth is, there only ever IS this moment. We are only ever alive NOW. The events of our lives always move through THIS present moment.
The reality of who we are is the aliveness itself which is here right now – the aliveness you ARE already. Always here and always now.
So… for just THIS moment, in learning how to deal with jealousy, don’t follow the habitual coping impulse(s) you noticed in Step 2.
Play with how it feels to not do what the habit is telling you to do. Let it / them go for just this moment.
For instance, if you notice the urge to grab a cup of coffee when you think of a situation which triggered jealousy within you and you imagine the people involved in that situation are in the room with you right now, just for THIS moment, don’t go get the coffee.
You can get it later if you want, but for right NOW, feel the intensity of the energy which is here, uncovered, when you decline to avoid it with a habitual distraction.
Even if you can only do this for a few seconds, it will still begin to bring more loving Consciousness to the inner pain beneath the coping mechanism.
Your mind might tell you that you won’t be able to stand the intensity that arises if you don’t follow the old habit. However, I assure you, you can stand it for THIS moment. (I know this from my own experience, dealing with numerous addictions in exactly this way.)
Stay with the discomfort for as long as you can before heading toward the coffee pot.
You’ll find this is much easier to do if you don’t listen to your thoughts and instead keep your attention on the sensations within (you’ll learn more about how to do this in the next steps).
The mind can perceive this as needing to “tough it out” or “grin and bear it” as you allow the intensity to arise without following the old habit.
However, you don’t need to do this from the mind, and actually can’t do it effectively from the mind.
Instead, it is choosing to keep attention on what you’re experiencing rather than your thoughts ABOUT what you’re experiencing.
In the following steps we’ll focus more on bringing loving attention to the actual feelings and sensations arising.
But for now, we are just playing with the experience of how it feels to let go, to not be driven by our old, ineffective coping strategies as we gradually learn how to deal with jealousy.
This short exercise will give you an energetic experience of what it’s like to let go, a kind of experiential reference point that is a direct parallel to the work we are doing together in this step in learning how to deal with jealousy.
Play with letting go of each experience in the list below for JUST THIS MOMENT and notice how you feel as you do it.
Take . . . . . each . . . . . one . . . . . S L O W L Y . . . . .
Don’t rush through this. Take time to FEEL the letting go. Do one at a time, taking at least 5 minutes (and more is better!) for each one and feeling the experience of letting go, one step at a time.
To really help you learn how to deal with jealousy, I even recommend focusing on each separate item below in one sitting of a half hour or so. Then take a break for awhile and let the energy of the letting go continue in you.
Then when you're ready, move on to the next one.
Doing this step in learning how to deal with jealousy may feel quite strange at first because we’re so used to living our lives within the dictates of our tight coping mechanisms.
Most of us are so identified with our habits that even the very idea of letting them go can sound like WE are being threatened. The mind believes that we are a little “me” who all these coping mechanisms are designed to protect.
We generally have a tremendous amount of concepts about ourselves, both consciously and unconsciously, and our identification with those concepts comes more into awareness in this step.
This is what produces the fear. Our identification with what we thought we actually ARE feels threatened.
Let them all go, just for THIS moment. None of it is who you actually are. The “me” the old habits are designed to protect is actually only a concept.
And YOU are not a concept. You are the Consciousness which sees them. You are the Aliveness shining through your eyes right now as you read this.
Chances are good that since the old familiar coping habits are either years old or lifetimes old, they are still going to arise for awhile as you're learning how to deal with jealousy.
In my experience healing isn’t a straight shot. It’s generally an up and down process.
Eventually, the more you stay with this practice in learning how to deal with jealousy, the energy fueling the old habits dissipates and the ineffective coping habits do too because they are no longer necessary.
The old ineffective coping practices that distract us from healing let go by themselves layer by layer as we begin to discover they aren’t needed.
If you broke your leg, you’d probably need a crutch for awhile. Then as your leg gradually healed you’d need the crutch less and less. Finally, at one point, you wouldn’t need it at all.
The same is true of our avoidance habit “crutches.”
In the organic healing process of letting go, gradually you’ll begin to experience the Peace which you already ARE which previously seemed covered up by the avoidance habits.
Consequently, you will cling to the coping habits less and less because they simply get in the way of your experience of yourself as Peace, Consciousness.
And as I said before, us humans tend to repeat what feels good. :-)
It just takes a few seconds. :-)
Thank you! Love and blessings of light, joy, love and healing to you my friend...
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