How to deal with jealousy or any uncomfortable emotion in 7 steps
Step 7 Tune into unconditional love for all the people involved in your experience of jealousy or any uncomfortable emotion
Do you find it hard to accept others as they are?
This is usually the case when we're first learning how to deal with jealousy.
We’ve all had a time in our lives when we felt resistant and negative toward someone else, whether it was in a jealousy situation or some other intense circumstance.
That seems to be part of this life experience and I know how harsh it can feel.
Eventually we all discover, however, that holding onto resistant feelings toward any person and refueling them with our thoughts, keeps us suffering.
Don’t judge yourself if you’re feeling negativity toward those in your jealousy situation (or any other challenging situation)
Most of us have experienced jealousy and reacted negatively to those involved in varying degrees from time to time.
Generally, it is part of the conditioning of the society we live in to react inwardly and outwardly with negativity. We’re usually not taught how to deal with jealousy and other uncomfortable feelings, because the people we grew up with didn’t know how to either.
So, if you are experiencing negative feelings toward the people in your jealousy situation, I recommend that you first bring love and acceptance to your inner feeling of resistance toward them, using the process we did in Step 5.
Then, before we continue, it’s important to first understand that…
We can’t fully accept, forgive or love anyone from the “me” we think we are
Often in current society, especially in films and novels, love is portrayed as a warm, fuzzy, special feeling which the inadequate “me” we literally think we are seeks in order for us to feel special.
Although this often takes the form of romantic love, it can also carry over to familial relationships and relationships with friends and coworkers.
In some situations this can become a kind of bartering system such as: “I’ll give you warmth and caring because I want you to give that to me, and if you don’t, you’re in big trouble!”
Are you struggling? I’m here to support you.
Are you struggling? I’m here to support you.
All of that is a mental misinterpretation of love.
We can’t love from our minds, from the “me” we think we are. While we might have loving thoughts in some situations, love itself is what you ARE. It doesn’t come and go, and no one can give it to you or take it away from you, although it can certainly appear that way unless we view it all from Aliveness, from the reality of Being.
The more you experience yourself as vibrating Aliveness the more you see that everyone is this very same Aliveness.
Love / Beingness is always here. However, when we're first learning how to deal with jealousy we’re generally caught up in our thoughts. This creates a flood of emotions that result from the thoughts, and our experience of the reality of the Love we are is covered up.
Any time you truly experienced love was a time when you were open and your own true Being was uncovered.
While our minds might attribute love to a particular experience with a “special” person, such an experience is actually a doorway that opens into the felt reality of the warmth of your own Being.
This happens in situations where we are open and unguarded enough to feel the love which is already within us, and in fact IS us.
While you may think you can’t get in touch with love for the people involved in your jealousy situation, as you’re about to discover, there is a way to see them through the eyes of Love, which is essential for healing and learning how to deal with jealousy.
How to see someone you feel in conflict with through the eyes of love
1. To help bring your inner hurts up into conscious Awareness, imagine one of the people in your jealousy situation (or any challenging situation) is here in the room with you.
This could be someone who:
you always find challenging whenever you're around them
you usually don’t find challenging themselves but you’re in a challenging situation with them, such as jealousy
your partner is interested in, or anyone involved in your jealousy situation
It will probably be much easier to imagine them one at a time rather than all at once so you have more energetic space and don’t overwhelm yourself as you're learning how to deal with jealousy.
It may even be best for you to do this exercise with one person on one day and another person the next day.
Sense what is best for you and follow that.
When you imagine the person being here with you, picture them saying and doing what they customarily do that brings up discomfort for you.
2. Tune into the energy field of your body, the vibrating alive, Life Force which animates your body, as we did in Step 6.
The more you practice tuning into the Aliveness of your inner energy field, you’ll be able to shift attention more and more quickly to it by saying or thinking the words you came up with in Meditation 1 in Step 6.
The last part of that meditation directs your attention to yourself as Aliveness. When you silently thing of words such as “I am,” or “This that I am,” (or whatever words you resonate with) it can quickly shift your attention back to yourself as pure Aliveness.
3. Let go.
As you continue to imagine a person you find challenging is here with you now, and you tune into the Aliveness of your inner energy field at the same time, feel the vibrating Aliveness of your Being.
Let go into it this Aliveness you are.
Rest in it.
Remember, don’t try to do this from your mind. Instead, SENSE the aliveness of your body as we did before, then relax into it.
Give yourself to it. Surrender into it. Feel the stability and strength of it.
The more you do this the more you’ll WANT to do it because it feels good, and you can begin to sense that this is what is true and real. This is the eye of the storm. While everything else in your life is constantly shifting and changing while you're learning how to deal with jealousy and other life situations, this Aliveness you are is always the same.
This Aliveness you are is Home Base.
4. Decline to get caught up in or identify with your thoughts about the situation.
As we're learning how to deal with jealousy there can be a tendency to rehash the story of what happened or what we think might or could happen.
You've probably noticed that these thoughts generate emotions and identification with a mental / emotional “me” who is suffering. This is what Eckhart Tolle refers to as the “pain body.”
This “me” is actually made up and doesn’t exist. It is a collection of thoughts and feelings which are constantly changing. YOU are the Aliveness which SEES the thoughts and feelings that make up the illusion of the “me.”
So, when you notice you’ve gotten caught up in thoughts again as you're learning how to deal with jealousy, first of all don’t judge yourself. It’s a habit we’re all conditioned to follow.
The fact that you’ve noticed it is wonderful because you are This which notices. You are alive Awareness.
Just come back to the present moment, and once again tune into the Aliveness of your inner body.
5. “Stand” in the vibrating Aliveness of your Being, then see and allow whatever is arising within you to be here as it is.
Now “stand” in this Aliveness you are. Feel your own alive Presence. BE it.
See whatever uncomfortable energies are arising in you without identifying with them and forming a "me" story around them.
Accept what you are feeling / experiencing. Allow it, as you continue to identify with your alive Presence, rather than the story about what is arising.
6. Now, as you continue to “Stand” in the vibrating Aliveness of your Being, look out at the other person from here.
FROM the strength, support and Light of this Aliveness you are “standing in,” look at the other person you chose in Step 1above to work with. Because we are just imagining the person is here, you’ll be “looking” at a mental image.
As you view them from your own alive Presence, notice that:
It is easier (if only a little easier at first) to let the other person be as they are and the situation to be as it is when you are resting in the warm love of the vibrating Aliveness of your inner body.
The alive Awareness you are is no different when someone else is in the room (either imagined or actually) or not.
You, Aliveness aren’t judging the other person or yourself in any way.
You, Aliveness, have no thoughts, concepts, opinions or conclusions about this person or about yourself in relationship to this person.
This conscious Aliveness which “sees” the other person is neutral. Even if there are still layers of uncomfortable thoughts and / or emotions arising within you, what is aware of them simply SEES.
The urge to try to get something from the other person or push them away isn’t here when you are “standing” in Aliveness.
You, Aliveness are not changed in any way by the jealousy situation or the people involved in it with you. Nothing is subtracted from you, Aliveness, or added to you, no matter what the other people do or say.
You, Aliveness cannot be hurt.
This conscious Aliveness you ARE, has a quality of warm, yet neutral, unconditional love. It doesn’t narrow down and focus specifically on a person like human love does, however. It is more of a diffuse, all-encompassing warmth, Light, connection and goodwill.
If you notice you get caught up in your thoughts or emotions again as you're learning how to deal with jealousy and other strong emotions, don’t judge yourself. The fact that you notice it is wonderful! The Noticer is the reality of YOU, Consciousness.
Just come back to the vibrating Aliveness in your hands, face, etc., then your whole inner body field of Energy. Then practice “standing in” this and looking at the other person from here.
Release any expectations you’ve put on yourself
Please be kind to yourself. Letting go into healing is usually a gradual process while learning how to deal with jealousy and other uncomfortable feelings.
Don’t put the expectation on yourself that you “should” be able to do all of the steps on this page (or any of the pages in this series) right away, exactly as its outlined.
That would be unreasonable. Just let go as much as you can in each sitting.
Old familiar habits have momentum and generally take awhile to unwind. Chances are they’ll come up as you do this process (or later), especially wanting to:
get something from the people involved
push them away
change them and the situation
When this happens, be gentle with yourself.
When those tendencies come up as you're learning how to deal with jealousy, you can revisit the practices of:
Take several minutes for each person as you practice staying with yourself as the Aliveness of your inner energy field when you imagine the person is here with you, saying and doing whatever they customarily do.
By practicing this when just pretending they are with you, eventually you will get to the place where you can actually do this if / when they ARE physically with you.
Gradually, each time you experience jealousy and other strong energies arising and you stay out of identifying with the thoughts and feelings as outlined above and in this series, the tight energy of jealousy and other strong emotions lets go and becomes transmuted to the overall Aliveness of Being.
Next, come join me in the Conclusion: Where to go for more support as you deepen in learning how to deal with jealousy or any uncomfortable emotion
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