Emotional Pain –
To Heal It We
Need To Acknowledge It
Acknowledging emotional pain may seem like an obvious step in the healing process that everyone is already doing. If you’re in pain, you already know it, right?
Not always. Many of us have a surprising amount of emotional trauma in our energy field that lies below our conscious awareness. In some cases we might be aware of some of the symptoms of an energetic wound within us, but we are unconscious of its deeper CAUSE – a core place of constriction where Life Force is feels blocked. The effects of this blockage can range from uncomfortable feelings of mild emotional pain at one end of the spectrum to severely debilitating physical and/or mental dis-ease at the more serious end of the spectrum.
It is common for us to become practiced at denial of emotional pain in order to function in our lives. Unconsciously we have learned how to keep the pain at bay so we can “do” our daily lives with some kind of balance. Often, the energetic imbalance within us actually causes us to create more imbalance as an attempt to gain equilibrium. And our only awareness of this might be a sense of feeling “off” or living our lives with limited inner resources, constantly looking for something outside ourselves to “fix” us.
In order to heal emotional pain, we need to invite it up into our conscious awareness. We need to care enough about ourselves to spend time with ourselves, looking within and truly BEING with ourselves. Doing this we find an infinite Source of emotional support and wellbeing that is always available to us from within.
Shame Is At The Core Of All Wounds
Emotional pain is a gateway into an energy wound. So-called “negative” emotions are flags to let us know when something needs to be healed and/or released from within. Our feelings give us our most direct access into the center of an energy constriction. Zeroing in on our feelings help us consciously get right to the core, the root cause of all pains/wounds – physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, or psychic.
At the core of all wounds is a thought / belief that we are not good enough, that we are bad, that we’ve done something wrong. This thought seed usually gets planted in us as children when our energy fields are wide open and we are scolded for doing something or being a certain way. This generally comes about from innocently rocking the boat of a caregiver and unconsciously triggering their unhealed wounds, which then gets projected out onto us. (See “The Superego – Breaking Free of a False God”.)
Most of us were conditioned to believe that it isn’t okay to feel our feelings, especially the really strong emotions that threatened our caregivers’ world when we expressed them. So, sometimes unconsciously and with good intentions, they did whatever they could to influence us to bury the feelings.
Then, as young children we carried this belief seed of “not good enough / bad / did something wrong” and usually another reprimanding “event” occurred that caused the belief seed to take root and grow. Each time we were reprimanded and made wrong for being who we were, the “I am bad” thought was rethought and eventually became a belief.
The Core Wound In Emotional Pain
As we moved through childhood, adolescence and into adulthood, a self-preservation component of our psyche pushed this debilitating belief down into the subconscious. This part of us was driven by the instinct to do whatever we could to survive as best we could under challenging circumstances, including turning away from the emotional pain and denying – even to ourselves – that it existed. Unfortunately, even though the “I am bad” belief may now be unconscious, the energy of it still operates in our lives, sabotaging our self-empowerment, fulfillment, joy and wellbeing.
Some of us have had the experience of feeling emotionally “frozen” or cut off from our feelings. We know we feel SOMETHING but the feelings themselves are murky and indefinable. Again, this is the act of a part of us that tries to take care of us in the only way it knows how – to “freeze” up the emotions in order to protect us from the intolerable emotional pain of the shame and powerlessness we feel when we think we are “bad” at the core. In the whole spectrum of human emotions, this is the feeling that is absolutely the most painful.
Consequently, as we go about our lives, we may be aware of a vague feeling in the background that ranges anywhere from uncomfortable to intolerable emotional pain and suffering, without even having a word to describe or define it.
In this case, it takes practice to allow ourselves to actually feel what is really going on inside – to give PERMISSION to ourselves to feel it.
The Core Belief Needs To Be Seen As False
The essential realization that we all eventually come to in our healing is that the core belief of being inherently bad and having done something wrong is COMPLETELY untrue. Here is the truth:
You’ve never been bad. Neither has anyone else. We all carry all the attributes of pure divinity of Source itself! In our essence we are the highest vibration of light and love.
Likewise, you’ve never done anything wrong. Neither has anyone else. Everything that anyone has ever done has always been an attempt to take care of themselves with whatever inner resources they had at the time.
This might be hard to take in because we are conditioned to make ourselves and each other wrong. To heal, we must learn to see ourselves and each other from the eyes of Source.
And how does Source see us? With unlimited, unconditional love. It sees us as sparks of Itself who have come to this plane to go through experiences, make mistakes and learn from them. In each experience we have the choice to let go into love and learn to trust it or to contract and cause ourselves misery. Depending on how we “do” in each circumstance, we create the next set of circumstances. ALL of it is part of the larger curriculum of our Evolution – to awaken to our Divinity.
And there is no judgment in any of it. There is only learning and love, learning and love…
Retracing Our Steps And
Bringing The Untruth To The Truth
Emotional wounds are the energetic cause of all other wounds and dis-eases. To heal ANY wound, we need to retrace our steps back into ourselves. We need to become CONSCIOUS of the belief that we are “bad” that is running the whole show of suffering, and the immense shame and feelings of powerlessness that result from that false belief.
It is very important to not make ourselves wrong for having this “bad” belief, which only adds another layer of shame. The more you check this out, you’ll see the subtle ways this belief can show itself. It can even try to co-opt the healing process by making you wrong or bad for not healing fast enough! Or not doing it the right way, etc.
Once we acknowledge and are conscious of emotional pain, the next step is to call in love from Source. We can also use self-inquiry (See questions below) to ask to be shown the truth so we can see for ourselves that we are inherently good.
As we become conscious and aware of the falseness of the belief we've held about being "bad," we start to see and EXPERIENCE – for the very first time! – the truth of our goodness. At this point, emotional pain begins to unwind organically, automatically.
When we experience the reality of our goodness, a change in consciousness happens and miracles of healing occur. We see that the core belief of being “bad” was just a misunderstanding that grew out of an untrue thought that we believed as a result of the things that happened to us.
“…and then the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
Emerging Into A Larger Energy Field
As the untruth is met by the truth consciously within you, your energy field begins to vibrate at a higher frequency of love and wellbeing. You extend out and beyond the vibration of the old emotional pain. This is very much like the metaphor of “thinking outside the box.” If you think of the problem as being contained within a box, you can’t solve the problem by only looking within the box. You need to expand out beyond the box of the problem to find the solution.
In the same way, we need to expand out beyond the limited energy field of our wounds in order to lift our vibrations to a higher field and heal the emotional trauma.
The only way to do this is to consciously call in and align ourselves with a larger, higher vibration of energy – Source, God, Love, Higher Power (Insert the word you know It by.). This acts like a vibrational tuning fork, tuning us into higher, purer frequencies of energy. The old wounds and emotional pain are out of sync with this higher vibration of energy and fall away. This can immensely shorten the grief process that is sometimes involved in healing emotional pain.
Without Conscious Acknowledgment
Of Emotional Pain Only Symptoms Are Treated
To recap, the first step for healing emotional pain is awareness, then consciously bringing a higher energy to the wound – the truth of unconditional love, compassion and the miracle of forgiveness to the untruth of being separate and “bad.” Then the natural outcome is a change in consciousness, a broadening and deepening of awareness, and the wound organically begins to release by itself.
Until we become conscious of the wound, we can use all kinds of healing practices that can help us get relief from the symptoms of the emotional pain, but until we acknowledge the core emotional trauma, the symptoms will spring up again.
The core seed of the emotional pain needs to be gently exposed with loving compassion, and then
touched by the realization of the truth that we are good and have always been good. THEN the wound is totally released – roots and all – from our energy field.
“Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart. Love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. The point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps, someday, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.”
Rilke, from Letters To A Young Poet
When You’ve Had Enough
It takes courage to turn inward and get investigatively honest about what you are really feeling and acknowledge your emotional pain. Usually this doesn’t happen to us until we finally decide we’ve suffered enough. If you have found yourself here and are reading this, then you are at that point – the threshold into healing. I greet you with love and understanding. I acknowledge and celebrate your courage – the part of you that has said “Enough suffering. I’m ready to heal now.”
How Can We Learn To Feel What We Really Feel?
First of all, call in the larger energy field of your Source, of Higher Power. If you’re not able to feel that yet, that’s okay. Just call on love. Invite love to join you in your emotional pain healing. You don’t’ need to know what love is or where it comes from, or even be able to feel it yet in order to access it. All you need to do is to sincerely call on it and it will be here for you.
This link will take you to an article that can help you connect with who Source is to YOU and give you ideas about how to awaken your conscious relationship with this sacred aspect of yourself.
When you become aware that you feel “off” emotionally, allow yourself time and space to investigate your feelings.
Take some quiet, undistracted time to open your awareness to this part of yourself, and shine a light into the corners of your being that have been shielded by denial.
Use the power of your words.
Your words, whether aloud or silent, focus and align your energy in specific directions. Asking inner questions focuses your attention on the answers and calls forth the corresponding material up and out of the unconscious.
Below are some examples of questions that are helpful to ask. You can use them if they feel right for you. If not, experiment and find just the right words that are effective for you in investigating your emotional pain.
“O [Love], I pray that you break my heart so wide open that the whole world falls in.”
Be patient with this process of becoming aware of your feelings. If you don’t get immediate results, pick just one question and carry it with you as your companion for a day, gently asking it inside whenever you think of it. Your willingness to do this consistently will gently open your consciousness to aspects of yourself you’ve never been aware of before.
It might also be helpful to write out the answers to these questions. Sometimes writing frees up parts of your consciousness in ways that speaking can’t get to.
You can also ask a trusted friend or counselor to meet with you for an hour or two. Ask for an uninterrupted span of their attention where you can explore your answers to these questions aloud, with them simply listening. If you decide to do this, it is important that you choose someone who will not judge you in any way. You can “trade” time and reverse roles with them on another occasion.
Get curious about your feelings. Ask yourself questions.
Remember to first ask Source for a cushion of love and courage to face areas that have been protected by denial. Take one question at a time and let the energy of the question sink in and do its work in helping you become aware of emotional pain.
What am I feeling?
Why am I angry / upset / sad?
Why am I feeling the need to defend myself?
What am I afraid of?
What do I feel guilty about?
What part of me most needs my compassion, love and attention right now?
Why have I denied what I feel?
What have I not been willing to see?
Invite and watch for responses to your questions.
We all have unique predispositions. Some of us are more physically oriented, while others are more mentally or emotionally oriented. You may experience your first awareness of emotional pain as an uncomfortable physical sensation, such as tightness. Or it could be mental confusion and obsession about a subject. Or you could feel emotionally overwhelmed, like being pulled into a tidal wave that has you spinning and not knowing which end is up.
You may be able to determine the quality of the feeling as rage, sadness, despair, etc. If not, that’s okay. Give the feeling / sensation permission to be here within you fully, whether you can describe or define it or not. Make no judgments about yourself or your process. You can’t do this wrong. Just go with whatever you are aware of and congratulate yourself for your courage and determination to heal.
Look for even the tiniest sensation of discomfort. Often this is a mild awareness of tightness. If you keep bringing your attention back to the tightness and give it permission to show itself, your awareness of it will increase. In some cases the beginning signs of tightness are later experienced as sharp pain or as a tight constriction as you stay with this process.
Remember to stay with yourself as you do this. Talk to yourself:
Show me where emotional pain is located in my being.
I open all channels to love here, right now. I am willing to feel this, to heal it.
Remind yourself that anything that you’re feeling is here for a valid, real reason.
As you begin to experience your emotional pain, remind yourself that there is nothing wrong with you for having this wound. Even if your current experience was triggered by something in present time, the root of it is there because there was something that happened to you in the past that caused real, genuine pain. Therefore, it is normal, natural and HEALTHY for you to feel whatever it is that you feel.
Because there wasn’t enough love and emotional support present at the time of the original wounding, it remained unhealed and the energy curled in around itself, like a fist. There is no judgment in this. Your psyche did the best it could with the resources it had at the time. As a young child you depended entirely on your caregivers and didn’t have the maturity to discern that their upset was about THEM and not you.
All this emotional trauma needs is loving attention and self forgiveness – to be touched with loving compassion without trying to fix or change it. In the original situation where you were wounded, the tendency was to make a conclusion from it – “I was punished because I was bad. I did something wrong. There is something wrong with me and that is why Mom is so upset.”
That part of you needs to know that you didn’t do anything wrong, you weren’t bad, and there was / is nothing wrong with you. I can’t say these words enough. They need to be repeated to all of us until we actually hear them and take them to heart, literally.
Whatever you did, if anything at all, was the best you could do at the time, given where you were in your spiritual evolution and the intensity of the circumstances you found yourself in.
“The key to getting inside your Vibrational Vortex of Creation; of experiencing the absolute absence of resistance; of achieving complete alignment with all that you have become and all that you desire, and of bringing to your physical experience everything that you desire – is being in the state of appreciation – and there is no more important object of attention to which you must flow your appreciation than that of self.”
Abraham – Hicks, Excerpted from The Vortex, Where the Law of Attraction Assembles All Cooperative Relationships
Keep talking to and encouraging yourself. Practice being a source of your own emotional support.
I acknowledge that this emotional pain is here. I admit that it is here.
I am not wrong for feeling this, for having this feeling. I forgive myself for having this wound. I breathe in loving compassion and the miracle of forgiveness.
I open all doors to love.
I am willing to feel this because I know Love / God / Source / Higher Power is here with me.
Don’t try to interpret or judge the feeling.
You don’t need to figure out or decide what something means, whether it is something someone said or did or something you said or did, or a feeling you’re becoming aware of. Mental analysis diverts you off track and into the mind, which won’t be useful in acknowledging the emotional pain. Remember, our intention here is to acknowledge and feel the FEELING.
Just be with the feeling itself and give up “fixing” yourself.
In order to do this, you need to be willing to BE with yourself, to turn your attention inward. This is about being with yourself and loving and accepting yourself, AS YOU ARE.
As you go about your daily life, notice what triggers you emotionally.
When you notice you feel “off,” trace it back. Look back in your memory for the moment you first started feeling “off.” Perhaps there was an event or something someone else said or did that caused an uncomfortable response within you. That event is mirroring a wound in your energy field. Once you pinpoint the “event” then ask the questions above to get at what you’re feeling.
Notice the tendency to resist what you’re feeling and / or to make someone else responsible for it.
If you notice yourself doing this, first of all forgive yourself. Most of our conditioning tells us to resist and blame, and it takes practice to become aware of that tendency and decline to follow it. Once we are able to forgive ourselves, it is much easier to forgive someone else. It also helps to realize that other people in our lives are just mirroring whatever we have in our own energy fields.
No need to get hung up on the past.
No matter what arises, allow and encourage it to come forth. As best you can, stay with the feelings and not the story of what happened in the past. The story will divert you into the mind and remember, your access to the core wound is via the FEELINGS. Just gently bring your attention back to the above questions.
More ways to become aware of pain:
- Make a list of experiences you feel shame about and ask the questions above. Use your words to bring the memories up from the subconscious:
What events in my life do I feel shame about?
- Look through family picture albums and notice what you feel.
- Pretend you are about to die… Who do you have unfinished business with? What do you feel when you think of this person?
Once you’ve consciously acknowledged your pain and suffering you have taken a big step toward healing it. Remember to keep your channel to Source open as you experiment with the suggestions above. The unconditional love and the wound coming together, simultaneously occupying the same space at the same time, is what creates the alchemy of healing. I’ve seen some amazing miracles happen from this simple process!
Keep calling in Love to this place inside you and gently talk to this part of yourself. Let yourself know you SEE you. Let yourself know that you see that you never did anything wrong and that you know that you always did the best you could with what you had to work with at the time. Bring patience, sensitivity and kindness to this part of yourself. You will release your emotional pain and develop a sweet intimacy with yourself as well as with your Higher Power – the Source of all healing!
More Emotional Support –
WellBeing Alignment Sessions
If you need help in bringing your emotional pain into awareness for healing, I invite you to a WellBeing Alignment Session. During your session, the places of constriction that are most ready to heal are brought to the surface. While in the protection of Safe Space, together we will bring awareness, light and love to the area of emotional trauma in your energy field, giving it the loving attention it needs to unwind.
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We Need To Acknowledge It"
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"How To Overcome Fear"
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