Once we experience compassion for ourselves, self forgiveness is the next natural step in emotional healing. Until we bring forgiveness to ourselves, we THINK we are cut off from The Divine, Source, God (Insert the name you know It by.). This false belief of being separate from our Creator is at the core of all suffering and dis-ease. The only way to heal this false belief of being unlovable is to first bring enough love and forgiveness to ourselves that we can then open to the Divine and feel the wellbeing that is always available to us when we align ourselves with it.
Many of us feel we’ve done things that make us unforgivable. When we look deeply enough inside we see that keepings ourselves “unforgiven” is actually motivated by love. We hold ourselves as unforgivable in hopes that we never do that thing again because we don’t want to hurt anyone else or ourselves. This is usually unconscious.
Although at the core this is a loving act, unfortunately, withholding self love and self forgiveness causes us to feel separate from Source. Consequently we feel cut off from love, which causes us to do things that are off balance, which generally have off-balance results for ourselves as well as our Brothers and Sisters. In other words, we end up acting in the very ways that we held ourselves unforgivable in the first place.
This is not because we are “bad” and shouldn’t be forgiven. It is because we carry the energy of “I BELIEVE I am bad” in our energy field. By the Law of Attraction, we draw to us circumstances that reflect our assessment of ourselves.
To begin this self forgiveness process, I invite you to look back on any experience in your past where you are carrying guilt or shame. Look at what your true intention was when you did what you did. If you look deep enough you will discover that your truest intention was to take care of yourself in the best way you knew at the time. You may have had a limited awareness of options and perhaps made choices that brought yourself and others undesirable results, but you did the best you could at the time. You need to see the truth of this for yourself – that all of your actions came from a basic human survival instinct, which in essence is loving yourself.
Source loves you just as you are, just as you ever were before, and just as you’ll ever be. And, since your Creator loves you unconditionally, you have full permission to love yourself unconditionally too.
From this perspective you can see into your heart and become aware of the reasons why you’ve done what you’ve done. Do you see the purity of your heart? In our growth process we can all look back and see how, given what we know now, we could have done things differently in the past. However, it is important to see WHY you did what you did and to apply self forgiveness. It is time to let go of the burden of the past, to stop beating yourself up. Once you do this, the power of forgiveness will transform your energy field to a higher vibration and you will attract much more loving circumstances and wellbeing into your life.
What I’m about to say may be shocking to hear, but I invite you to keep an open mind and stay with me for a moment: Even when someone commits as extreme an act as murder, if they are able to look back and see deeply into their motives at the time, they will see that at the time the act was committed, they honestly believed it would make their situation better. It was an attempt to take care of (love) themselves the only way that they could see at the time. This is true for all of us, for all of our actions. Really check this out for yourself.
I’m not encouraging or condoning any act that causes suffering for another being or ourselves. I’m just bringing awareness to the fact that anything that we’ve done is forgivable when we truly look deeply and honestly into our hearts, and see that at our core our actions are innately motivated by the desire to love ourselves as best we can.
Until you learn how to forgive yourself, it can feel like God hasn’t forgiven you. However, this feeling of separation is actually an illusion. The division only occurs in our own mind. We unconsciously separate ourselves from Source because WE think we are unlovable, not because It has pronounced us so.
To experience self forgiveness, I invite you to see yourself through the unconditionally loving eyes of your Creator. There is nothing you can do that would keep you out of God’s heart. In fact, from the perspective of Source, forgiveness isn’t even an issue because you’ve done nothing wrong. We are all learning and growing and we act in accordance with whatever stage of growth we are on at the time.
The only reason we even have the concept of forgiveness is because WE think we’ve done something wrong. Therefore it is only US that needs to forgive ourselves.
Source is like a sun, shining on all. We need to see ourselves and love ourselves as our Creator sees us and loves us: unconditionally. See the thing that you did, see your motivations at the time, find the place at the core where you were acting from what you thought was best at the time, given your awareness at the time. See that, love yourself, and forgive yourself.
Once we use self forgiveness, our inner door to love opens. It’s really quite magical. We are now able to feel the Universal love and wellbeing that has been waiting beyond the door that we had kept closed within ourselves for so long. In truth, we’ve always had access to this healing love, but holding ourselves hostage by our self judgment kept us from FEELING it. It is quite a delicious relief to feel the warmth washing in as we open to our own compassion and self forgiveness.
In learning how to forgive yourself, first work on the obvious areas in your life, experiences that you’ve had in your past which bring up feelings of shame or guilt. As you work on those, you’ll become aware of other, more subtle ways that you withhold love from yourself, judge yourself, and keep yourself separate from God.
As children, many of us were judged when we rocked the boat of our caregivers. Their own self judgments were projected onto us. This is very common. However, these judgments had nothing to do with who we are.
We tend to form ideas about ourselves from the way that other people respond to us. This is true whether their response actually had anything to do with us or not. As young children we were too young to question the validity of these assumptions we made about ourselves based on the responses of those around us. Eventually we began to feel that we were “bad,” wrong, or somehow messed up at the core. This is the core wound.
Now that you’re aware of this dynamic, watch for the signs of it in your daily life. Become aware of times when something happens that triggers you into feeling “bad,” wrong, not good enough, not smart enough, powerless, etc. Watch the things you tell yourself about yourself. Our work is to bring awareness, love, and self forgiveness to all of these places inside ourselves. We need to travel to the place of the original wounding in our feeling memory and see that the negative ideas we adopted about ourselves are simply not true. We are unique, wonderful, and entirely loveable just as we are now and just as we were then.
As these judgments and negative beliefs about yourself come up, check into your heart and see the truth– the purity of your heart and your core intention to bring love to yourself. Apply self understanding and self forgiveness for:
As we open the door to receive forgiveness from ourselves, we open the door to all forms of abundance and wellbeing. It all comes through the same “doorway.” This includes not only a love for ourselves, but loving connections and appreciation from other people, fulfilling experiences, avenues of expression for your unique gifts, money, etc.
Self forgiveness completely changes your energy field. As you begin practicing it, you align yourself with a higher, more loving Source of energy. Then, by the Law of Attraction, as you are more loving toward yourself, you draw in circumstances and people who are ALSO more loving toward you. The outer reflects the inner.
We can’t give what we don’t have. If we withhold love from others, it is because we are withholding it from ourselves. If we are withholding it from ourselves, it is because we haven’t fully forgiven ourselves yet. This step is absolutely essential before we can truly forgive and love anyone else.
“You are not guilty of any sin, my brother. But you believe that you are. And while you believe this, you will need forgiveness. It is the only way out of your self-imposed illusion.”
Self forgiveness completely changes your “outer” reality. Whatever is in our internal reality gets projected into our “outer” life. Whenever I have a conflict with someone, that conflict is really only with me. The other person is playing the role of a voice in my head.
When you notice that you are withholding love from someone else, notice why. Then see how you withhold love from yourself for the very same reason. Whenever I judge someone, I’m only judging the part of me that they are reflecting.
Usually what I’m judging is a part of myself that was shamed when I was a child. For instance, if you showed self-expression or power as a child and it was threatening to your parents, then chances are you got shamed for it and have issues about self-empowerment as an adult. Consequently, when you’re around people who stand fully in their power in a healthy way and/or use their power in an “unhealed” way to coerce others, there is a good chance you will judge them because you were shamed for having ANY power.
See how this works?
So, when you bring love and self forgiveness to the place in you that was shamed as a child for being powerful, your dynamic with other people in power changes. You will feel much less threatened by them and therefore less inclined to judge them. Forgiving them comes as a natural result of forgiving yourself.
Self love and self forgiveness doesn’t just happen once and then we are healed finally and permanently. We have to choose it again and again in our lives as new layers of our being become unveiled for our healing. We have to keep doing our part. Each time we choose love, we open our inner door to our Creator and feel our alignment with the vast, unlimited energy field of light, love, compassion, forgiveness, healing and wellbeing that is always here and available to us, and in fact, IS us!
For a deeper look at the power of self-forgiveness, have a look at this page also: The Miracle of Forgiveness Healing.
In a WellBeing Alignment Session, together we go into the Neutral Observer, the space between thoughts, also known as Pure Awareness. We invite up what is most ready to be released. We give it all over to the Holy Spirit within. Together, from the safety, peace, love and protection of Spirit / the Neutral Observer, we allow space for whatever comes into awareness – beliefs, thoughts, emotions, body sensations, images, memories and etc.
Rather than investing this passing phenomena with belief, we simply observe it. When we decline to give the power of belief to painful thoughts, the emotions and suffering that result from believing them begins to dissolve.
There is an Infinite Source of Guidance, Love, and Healing that is already within you right now in this moment.
An essential aspect of all healing is to
identify ourselves as the Neutral Observer / Spirit rather than the
phenomena (thoughts, emotions and etc.) that we observe. When we do
that, we no longer identify with or feed the limiting beliefs,
emotions and circumstances. Consequently, they are seen for the
illusions they are and quietly fade away.
“Dearest Kai, thank you from the bottom of my heart for the session. I wish I could hug you!! It’s as if a big weight has been lifted, and I discover what this life is about slowly. The image of the pendulum you gave talked to me.
“Your work is so gentle, and so deep at the same time, bringing us to who we are. I hope one day I can help my human brothers too... With all my love, Carmen”
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