None of us had perfect parents. Every Soul you know came here to grow in some way. We all have lessons to learn and wounds to heal or we wouldn’t be here! Usually the attitudes about “good and evil” or “right and wrong” that our parents passed on to us were passed down from THEIR parents’ unhealed wounds and what they were told not to do.
Therefore, the superego is often a composite of generations of unhealed WOUNDS that we then unconsciously believe is a correct “manual” to guide us about what is right or wrong to do. Shocking, isn’t it!
All the memories of times you were made wrong, ostracized or even punished when you reached beyond yourself or stood up for your natural, true needs are woven together to produce this superego part of your psyche. This reprimanding “parent” inside us tries to make us fit in so that we won’t get into trouble.
As adults, if this false god is still running the show, unconsciously we fear that the same thing that happened as a child – the same terrifying response – will come down on us. We may fear we’ll be ridiculed, abandoned, hit, or reprimanded in some way if we don’t follow the dictates of the superego. And ALL of this can be unconscious! We just feel like we are being “bad” because this voice can sound like God talking.
When we were children and received negative feedback about our behavior we weren’t mature enough to discriminate about our caregivers’ perceptions. We weren’t able to tell if what they were judging as “bad” was truly bad for US.
Because we depended on our caregivers for ALL of our security – food, water, shelter, human connection – we didn’t have the luxury of questioning their rules. We NEEDED to fit in, and the only set of rules we knew as “right” and “wrong” came from our caregivers. And so this "inner parent" part of our psyche is formed as a collection of the voices/rules from those authority figures in whose care we found ourselves. This false god becomes our inner “Bible” or “manual” about what is necessary to do or not do to insure our survival.
As the superego is born within us and grows, it fades into the background, just below our conscious awareness. We are no longer fully conscious of where this false god voice is coming from. It just becomes the voice of so-called “right” and “wrong” within us and for many of us, it never gets questioned!
How The Superego Can Cripple Your Life
Let’s say as a four-year-old child you danced naked in the living room with all the windows open. And why not?! It was delicious and free and it just FELT GOOD! The sun from the windows warmed your body and the music was fun and it was so great to be free and alive and…. suddenly your mother is YELLING at you and she does NOT look happy with you. Terror fills your every pore.
Your mother is afraid someone will see you through the windows. She was told as a young girl that she was bad whenever she tried to do anything wild and free, and especially if she took her clothes off! So HER internalized parent is freaking out about you doing something it sees as “bad” because it jeopardizes your ability (and hers) to stay “safe” and “fit in.” Her superego sees all the great fun you are having as “wrong” and reflexively tries to instill that belief in you. And this is all done unconsciously on her part because she is unconscious of the voice of HER internalized parent.
And so you, a naturally open and free, joyful four-year-old, unconsciously add this reprimanding voice to the superego inside of you. Zap! Another chunk of your natural exuberance and zest for life is squelched.
Then as an adult you think there is something wrong with you whenever you’re around a dance floor and you can’t quite bring yourself to dance (even with your clothes on!) If you do make it out onto the dance floor where people are moving freely and easily and having great fun, you feel very awkward, like you’re doing something WRONG. You feel fear or even terror.
If we continue to listen to the internalized parent and believe that this is indeed God, we can end up living narrow, unfulfilled lives and never even know why.
What Happens As You Follow Your Life Path
As we all follow our natural spiritual evolution, it is common to experience fear and doubt as we begin to follow our heart’s path and to speak up for ourselves and make honest choices about what is really true for us. Whenever we reach into new inner territory the superego kicks in and says, “No, don’t do that! We could get into big trouble here! Let’s keep things limited and familiar. If we expand out of our comfort zone, who KNOWS what will happen!” Or maybe it tries another tactic: “Don’t even attempt this because you’ll fail! You don’t want to look incompetent. We’ll be ridiculed or ostracized!”
“It’s not doing what you love to do that breathes life into you; rather it’s who you are being when you do what you love to do.”
And so, you end up in low paying jobs and/or don’t charge enough for your services. Whenever you think about getting a better job or raising your rates you feel fear. Any thoughts of improving your situation are terrifying and you feel stuck.
Unconsciously you pull in your heart energy as you hear your inner superego preaching to you that it is “morally right” to be humble and small. You think it is God telling you that you “should” be happy with what you have and you don’t deserve to make more money.
This is This is the superego/false god who doesn’t want you to break the family rules, even if all the members of your family are deceased or estranged from you. This is a hangover from when your very security depended on fitting in with the family, when you were totally dependent on your caregivers for all your basic survival needs. Most everything we received in terms of support came from them, good or bad. Therefore, in some cases, it was TERRIFYING to even THINK of upsetting them. So to survive, we internalized the prison of the small world we needed to shove ourselves into in order to not upset them.
So now as adults, either consciously or unconsciously, we feel like we’re betraying our family or violating some family law when we instinctively reach for our next evolutionary step spiritually. This step may call to us in the form of reaching for something we want, or realizing our perspective expands outside of our family of origin’s views, thereby triggering the voice of the superego to try to make us small again and stay “safe.”
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“I see my path, but I don’t know where it leads. Not knowing where I’m going is what inspires me to travel it.”
If we make it wrong or fight with the superego, this only increases the feeling of divisiveness within us. We simply need to bring awareness and love to it while questioning and investigating the reality of its dictates.
To complete the healing, we also need to bring love and forgiveness to our caregivers, and their caregivers before them, and to all the ancestors who came before us. We don’t even have to know who any of those folks were.
Now that we understand how the superego was created we see that none of this was anyone’s “fault.” That in itself brings forgiveness – to them and to ourselves. We can visualize filling ourselves with light, love, healing and forgiveness and then sending it back through our ancestry on both sides, going back into infinity, blessing them and letting them go. When you do this with sincere intention, miracles of healing can happen for your whole family.
Since a lot of the power of the superego lies in the fact that we are unconscious of it, breaking free of it requires that we become aware of it and see how it operates in our lives. Then we need to accept its existence without blame for ourselves or others.
The next step is to CONSCIOUSLY make a different choice: to choose to follow our hearts instead of the constricted, wound-based perspective of the superego. Then we can move through and past our own wounding and get on with our lives.
Notice the superego when it arises. See it for what it is. Check in with your Emotional Feedback Guide and be aware of how you feel. The more you do this, the more quickly you’ll be conscious of it. As you get familiar with all the different ways it tries to keep you “in line” with fear, the more you will be breaking free of it.
Then you’ll have the choice to follow it or not. Which choice feels best? Which choice brings openness, expansion, joy, creativity and love? Which choice makes you feel small and powerless?
“Our fears arise from things we don’t confront. Once we are willing to look fully and deeply at the source of a fear, it loses its power.”
DO NOT LET THE FEAR STOP YOU! Recognize the fear is just the superego’s control tactic and go ahead and do what you feel guided to do anyway. Imagine yourself doing what your heart is guiding you to do. Does that image have a sense of light and excitement about it? If so, do it!
I invite you to question this false god in your head. If you’re drawn to something and it is illuminated and gives you a rush of energy AND it triggers fear at the same time, do not let the fear stop you. Stand up and reach for what you want! Go for it! Whatever it is, it is the next step in your spiritual evolution calling you.
If you ignore the fear and keep going, your whole energy field will change. As you go through the experience and don’t let the fear stop you, you will be a much stronger person and much more self-empowered. You will trust yourself more and you will experience greater freedom. You will expand into a new awareness and perspective of yourself, your life, and your world.
Let your true colors shine! You will literally free yourself of the prison of the superego. You can do this!! You have all the help and love in the Universe to support you. All you have to do is to ask for Its help. The Universe celebrates and supports every step you take toward freedom.
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I am still processing and learning from it. The work you did with me has helped me tremendously. I feel like I have stepped into a new phase of my life. You told me my inner child was excited to share stuff with me and that my root chakra had wisdom I would now tap into.
Since that day I have a whole new outlook on life. It feels like I am gaining new knowledge and understanding that I didn't have before. Since ‘meeting’ this little girl inside me, I feel like this is the first time in my life that I have truly begun to forgive and love myself.
Thank you for the wonderful work you do!”
As we did several beautiful exercises together to put this into practice, you were able to show me the many guises of my rather sneaky ego, and to help me to recognize it’s strategies so that I can move out of its trap(s) and back into the fullness of my being. Empowering one's clients to take full responsibility for their thoughts and subsequent creations/manifestations is the mark of a master ‘old soul’ teacher. And, you did so with great clarity, love, grace and compassion – for that too, I am most appreciative.
Your depth of understanding is unparalleled. I have never felt so deeply UNDERSTOOD by anyone. I know that it is not my purpose (or perhaps even my right) to be understood by others in this lifetime, but rather, it’s my purpose to understand them. Nevertheless, to have a mentor who ‘gets’ me so completely – and sees through my ego games and darkness right through to my light (and loves me anyway) – buoys my spirit and fills me with an indescribable lightness of being. And that is what I carry forward from yesterday’s session. How does one say thanks for such a profound gift of renewal and love!?
Thank you for giving me the key to free myself, Kai! You are a treasure. Much love and my deepest appreciation.”
“Wow, I am still not able to put into words what you have helped me to experience and to release. I am so beyond grateful for the gift you have given me. The first couple of days after our session, I had the strangest feeling... a feeling of hope, and a kind of general thought that ‘everything will be alright.’ It was like a kind of gentle mist just in the background of my awareness, and it related directly to the golden light that I experienced in my solar plexus during our session – my power. It felt strange because I haven’t felt or thought that way in the longest time, except I didn’t know I was ‘missing’ it until I had it again! Love and such huge, huge gratitude.”
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