Do You Accept Yourself?


Until You Accept Yourself You Suffer

As you learn to accept yourself, at some point or another you'll become aware of debilitating beliefs running below the surface. All suffering comes from our beliefs. Whether we are conscious of them or not, our beliefs create our thoughts, emotions, and even our body sensations. They also create the entire experience of our lives.

Your beliefs will determine whether or not you accept yourself. The beliefs within the unconscious mind are like a movie projector and our lives are the movie.

How we experience being treated by other people and the world is always a reflection of how we treat ourselves, and how we believe (usually unconsciously) we SHOULD be treated. For feedback about whether or not you accept yourself, ask yourself if you feel accepted by others.

For example, let's say that someone at work treats you as though they believe you aren't good at your job. If this person is showing up in your life it can only be because a part of YOU believes you aren't good at your job.

So, whatever is showing up in your life is valuable feedback! Why? Because what was previously in the semi-conscious or even unconscious recesses of your mind is brought into your CONSCIOUS awareness by the events and relationships that show up in your life.

And you can't deal with your unconscious beliefs until you are conscious of them. Being aware of them is an important step in learning to accept yourself.


You can't shift beliefs from the outside in.

Even if you are aware that you don't accept yourself, you may not know how to heal the underlying beliefs.

When we want to shift our beliefs, the first obvious thing we all try is to try to think different thoughts. A thought arises like, "I'm not doing this very well," and we decide to focus on "I'm doing this well," or "I excel at my job" instead.

And that WILL feel better. For awhile. But it doesn't actually change the underlying belief. It just layers something that feels better on top of it. The old belief will pop up again and once again you'll become aware of it when you perceive the same or a different person treating you like you're not good at your job.

Beliefs about ourselves and the world don't shift until our EXPERIENCE of ourselves shifts.


And that WILL feel better. For awhile. But it doesn't actually change the underlying belief. It just layers something that feels better on top of it. The old belief will pop up again and once again you'll become aware of it when you perceive the same or a different person treating you like you're not good at your job.

Beliefs about ourselves and the world don't shift until our EXPERIENCE of ourselves shifts.


Acceptance is the only missing ingredient.

Any suffering, whether it takes the shape of painful emotions such as anger, fear, sadness, guilt, or debilitating beliefs and thoughts, is a cry for love. It is your inner child (which is another way of perceiving the unconscious mind) asking to be seen and accepted as s/he is.

Once you accept yourself as you ARE, you directly EXPERIENCE being loved unconditionally. As we experience our own acceptance, our beliefs gradually and automatically shift from debilitating self-judgment and lack to self-acceptance and love.

There is a simple, direct way to accept yourself as you are right now in this moment.

I'd also be happy to take you walk through it with you in a WellBeing Alignment Session.



Are You Sensitive?

In your desire to accept yourself, do you sometimes judge yourself as being "too sensitive"?

Do you feel easily overwhelmed when you have a lot going on in your life? Do you feel overstimulated by noisy, chaotic environments? Do you feel easily pressured? Do you cry easily, sometimes without even knowing a reason why? Do you frequently need alone time to recharge? Are you deeply moved by music, art, or nature, sometimes on a much deeper level than you can explain?

Years ago a friend told me that I was an "HSP" and that I should read The Highly Sensitive Person, by Elaine Aron. My reaction at the time was "Oh great, yet another way to classify and label myself, which is the last thing I want to do!" I was more interested in letting GO of all the labels.

However, her suggestion stayed with me and I ended up reading the book. Wow. I felt like someone "got" me on a deeper level than I'd ever experienced before. It explained so much. I had judged myself in so many ways about being too sensitive.

Elaine Aron, a psychologist who is HSP herself was the first person to study and research this innate biological trait and bring it out into the open. Some of us are simply born with highly sensitive nervous systems. And this difference can be scientifically measured.

By becoming more aware of this trait, you can bring love and acceptance to a part of you that you may have been puzzled by and at odds with. When I read the book a lot of my self-judgment about being too sensitive let go. I was able to look back and re-frame a lot of situations where I reacted strongly to situations and to now compassionately understand WHY I reacted.

Reading the book was also a turning point for me in realizing more deeply the GIFTS of being sensitive. It is actually because of being sensitive that I'm able to share WellBeing Alignment Sessions. What used to seem like a curse is now a tool for powerful healing for others!

One HSP usually recognizes another. I know that in working with many of you that several of you are also HSP. If you feel drawn to investigating this powerful aspect of yourself, I invite you to check out Elaine's site. Her book and discoveries can help you to better understand, love and accept yourself.

She has a test here that you can take to find out if you are HSP.

Her book has also been very valuable for parents of HSP children, or anyone who has a loved one who is HSP.

There is also a movie coming out about HSP's, which you can read about on her site.

These bodies / personalities / nervous systems aren’t the entirety of what we are, but our experience of them is real! And on the level where these bodies appear, they need love, acceptance and understanding.


Kai, thank you for working with me last night. I really wasn’t sure what to expect from the session, however, I couldn’t be more pleased. The insights into myself and my son were so accurate that it was shocking, in a wonderful amazing way. I have already begun the homework and look forward to continue to clear away the negative vibrations to allow more of the light to shine through. A million stars of gratitude.”

~ Rita Maloney


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Thank you for our session on Saturday. It was so very lovely, actually very powerful, and just the ‘midwifing’ I needed to break from my dark haunt. I am already feeling so much lighter and so excited about what I am opening to. I am also excited about working through my relationships with the tools and  exercises you gave me!  Thank you, thank you again.

~ Julieanne





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