Saying No Can Mean Yes to Wellbeing
March 16, 2009
A subscriber friend recently told me my ezines were so long that she didn’t have time to read them. I really appreciated the feedback (and I encourage YOURS too!). I do tend to get long-winded when I’m excited about something. :-)
So, this issue is more concise – I hope.
Happy Spring to you!
May every atom of your being know that you are loved, exactly as you are in this moment and all moments.
Kai Hu
WellBeingAlignment.com
Table of Contents
1. Featured Article: “Saying 'No' Can Mean 'Yes' To Wellbeing”
Saying "No" Can Mean "Yes" To Wellbeing
There are times when saying “no” is a really good way to say “yes” to our wellbeing.
Recently I heard a quote from Facing Codependence by Pia Mellody. Here is the gist of what I heard:
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“WAG MORE
BARK LESS” |
I began to understand that what was far worse than the possibility of someone rejecting me was the horrible feeling I felt when I sold out on myself and said “yes” to something I really didn’t want to do or simply did not have the energy to do. Time for me to learn when to say “no.”
Break The Trance
The other day I started to fill out a long survey from the city government. As I began, my energy plummeted. Then I thought, “Wait a minute! I don’t really HAVE to do this!” Relief flooded in. I tossed the survey into the recycling bin. It was like coming out of a trance. Saying “no” can break through a lifetime habit of automatically squandering time, energy, and attention on doing things out of obligation.
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“We will discover the nature of our particular genius when we stop trying to conform to our own or to other peoples' models, learn to be ourselves, and allow our natural channel to open.” |
Give Yourself Some Space
Nothing takes more energy than doing something our heart is not into doing. Conversely, when being honest and doing things from our heart, whatever we do GIVES energy to us and to all those involved.
When I feel too overwhelmed to know what is true for me, I tell the person involved “I’ll get back to you about that.” This gives me space to be with the fear and see what is true for me while being honest with myself
As I continue this practice, I FEEL myself more – the real me. This is a way of loving myself, of caring enough to listen to and honor myself as I am, not how I’ve expected I “should” be. Very self-empowering!
Easier To Do Now Than Later
Sometimes the old habits kick in before I catch them. Recently someone asked for my help with her project and in a moment of feeling really “up” I said “yes.” As I said “yes,” my “little voice” inside said “You already have way too much going on. This isn’t a good idea.”
Sure enough, the very next day she took me up on my “yes” when I wasn’t in such an “up” place and I knew I couldn’t follow through. I had to be honest with her, and it was a little messy to clean up. This process works much better if you can be honest in the first place!
Waves of guilt came in. “I’m being selfish. She needs my help!” When I asked for inner guidance I saw that if I’m depleting myself to “help” someone else, then the “help” I give them really won’t be helpful to them at all, and certainly not good for me either.
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“Right action is action that is appropriate to the whole. When the action is accomplished, the alert, spacious stillness remains.” |
First Align YOURSELF With Wellbeing
I know that God / Universe / Higher Power will bring help to the other person in the form that is best for them, not from someone who is out of alignment with themselves.
In saying “no,” other people either understand or they don’t. However, this practice keeps relationships on a much more real and authentic basis, and allows for deeper intimacy if both people are willing to face what arises in the process.
Being Honest
Keeping ourselves aligned with wellbeing is a path of ruthless honesty with ourselves first, and then with others. We can say our “no” in a firm yet kind way if we own whatever we’re feeling about the situation and decline to blame/project our feelings onto the other person. With this comes the relief of living as we really are and not having to live behind a false mask.
As I continue this practice and learn when to say “no,” previously awkward social situations are becoming easier. I’m trusting myself more. I know that I can (and will) take care of myself. Because I’m experiencing the integrity of my own boundaries, I’m less threatened by other people.
Sometimes the best way to say “YES!” to wellbeing is learning how and when saying “no” is the best course.
What’s Coming?
For the last several months I’ve been working on a web page on Emotional Healing. This is a wellbeing subject that is near and dear to my heart. As I write, it keeps expanding and spawning new pages. So now I’m simultaneously working on at least five other sub-pages: Self-Empowerment, Loving Your Inner Child, Healing Abandonment, Taking Responsibility, Boundaries… and probably others before I’m through. It is a labor of love.
In the process of writing about these subjects, Life is giving me my own personal workshop on all of them. You could say I’m field testing the guidance as it flows through. :-)
Anyway, I’m excited about sharing what I’m learning about emotional healing with you. I’ll let you know when the new pages are ready!
Are there wellbeing subjects you’d like to read about? Drop me a line here or just reply to this email and let me know your ideas!
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Contact
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